If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
