So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
