I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Soap is not a condiment
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
