If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
