I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
