a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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