Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
