my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
