Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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