Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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