just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
