It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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