Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
