You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize