On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
