there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
