the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
