I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
