I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
