somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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