you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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