Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
