jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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