I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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