WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize