now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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