i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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