you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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