No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How does it feel to date your dad?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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