dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
