i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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