i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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