You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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