I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
