I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
