My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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