She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
