Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
