so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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