Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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