Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize