I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
