"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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