Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
