Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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