You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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