eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
