...so i touched it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
