Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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