im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
