The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
