i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
