Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
