apparently the secret to your success is patron
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
