Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Pants are for mortals
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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