i need an iv and a liver transplant
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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