so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
