only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
