It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
