I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
