It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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