I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
this is an emotional support booty call
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