I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
