My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
