She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
