He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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