Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
love makes seman taste better
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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