dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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