He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
