i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
