That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
