I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
