you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
