I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
