just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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