I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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